I UPDATE NOW WHILE INEBRIATED

Today I slipped into the holiday spirit by beginning alcohol consumption at the ripe hour of 10 am with a light helping of 10-year-old whiskey from a CASK. This was soon followed up with:

- hot cider + apple brandy

- hot vanilla vodka + amaretto

- hot chocolate + rum

- hot chocolate + bailey's

This would lead me to believe that my weekends have now transformed into an unfavorable routine where I play the plum role of town drunkard and have constant love/hate theoretical txt msgs w/ my worked-to-death liver. Here is how I assume these interactions would go:

Liver: tireeeed

Me: shutup, u and earn ur keep

Stomach: sup guys

Me: ur old news

We all chuckle and laugh about this jaunt into mild alcoholism but geez me, ORLY? I'm pretty sure near the end of the night, I drunkenly purchased another knit sweater and earmuffs in the shape of penguins.

And anti-wrinkle eye cream. SINCE I GOTS TO TAKE CARE OF SELF

AMIRITE?

Also, I may need to consume enough water to deplete the Central Valley irrigation system for two years. Ughhhhh.

Why wasn't I here?

Gunners at the Lake show. I don't even know. I suppose this is a nice upside from the saddest game of all time that I had to endure two days ago but Theo seems to be missing. In other news, I am far from being packed for my move. WHY IS IT SO DAUNTING?

RETURN OF THE KING

I have managed to survive and return from my international travels. My brain is like mush and my body feels like it has aged 9000 years. I am glad for all the experiences but it was definitely a roller coaster of highs and lows. Many many logistical lows.

Twas the night before xmas...

Well management sold off VDV to the archrivals of my PL team. Irony, you taste like poorly translated Spanish news articles.

In other news, I am about to embark on a lengthy trip to the far side of the world. I hope to return less frustrated with LIFE in general and with a tan that lasts through the bleak winter months (haha I wish). I will also have minimal access to Internet and other forms of time-wasting communication. We'll see how this pans out.

City of Injury, Espana

What is going on guys? WHY IS EVERYONE INJURED after only one game? Pretty soon, Mou is going to have to sub in ME or something. Something something SAD ROMANCE. Life is sad when you can only get news through GOOGLE TRANSLATE where everything inevitably sounds awkward and slightly wrong. All I know is, if Pipita gets injured, I will need to compose a song of sad lament.

WANTED: on call +1 to activities/functions/travels

One of the greatest challenges in life is finding a someone with whom you can spend long durations of time on a 1-on-1 basis without feeling the need to punch them in the face. It just so happens that many of the fun things I want to do would often be easier/ go smoother/ be more enjoyable if there was another person in the mix. I guess SOME people would call this "finding a spouse" (but these people are likely mopey, lovesick virgins). What I really need is the ultimate "+1."

Requirements:

- you are above average in terms of athleticism

- you are not afraid of nature

- you are willing to try new things

- we can make each other laugh

- you are willing to partake in my absurd demands for photograph + willing to pose in oft-embarrassing ways for amusement's sake

- you do not make comments about my eating habits

- you are financially prudent rather than one who makes I-have-no-money a constant topic of conversation in a way that insinuates you want me to pay for things

- you are not averse to alcoholic beverages

- you dress appropriately for the occasion

- you are NOT afflicted with indecision

- you do not suddenly disappear off the face of the earth when you are dating someone NOR do you suddenly prioritize this new significant other to the detriment of your actual friends

- you do not FLAKE ON ME with little or no notice

If girl:

- you do not "dress up" to clearly grueling/grimy activities

- you are not a mindless robot who thinks any handbag with ... LV classic print, Coach "C" print, Gucci "G" print is the height of ~fashion~

- you better be able to do it to it/suck it up/etc. when SHIT GETS REAL

If guy:

- you own shoes besides sneakers + Converse

- you do not engage in the constant game of let's-compare-resumes

- just because I'm a girl does not mean I want to hear about your ~feelings~ or ~hopes & dreams~

- we are splitting the bill, don't argue

I am in Wyoming

The landscape is vast, the weather is unpredictable, and Speed is on TV. Today we drove through three states and THERE IS NO 3G network here. More tomorrow on whether I survive.

What's the big effing deal with moving away?

Here is how all conversations now go between me and third parties:

3P: so what are you doing now with life?

me: I am moving to the UK soon for work.

3P: ORLY? When do you leave?

me: October.

3P: We should hang out.

Here is how the future will go with respect to these conversations:

1) More inquiries regarding when I am leaving

2) Ambiguous declarations regarding future social interaction

3) Half-hearted attempts at actual physical meeting

4) Apologies delivered over the Internet

5) Falsely excited hints regarding possible re-scheduling

6) I reveal I am already in the UK

Let's just get it over with:

1) We will likely not see each other

2) Luckily we will likely continue communicating thru other mediums

3) I am in fact not going on a deep space mission to Mars that requires 20 years of cryogenic sleep

4) This means we can visit or do something similar of a social nature

5) You're an idiot

I simply cannot understand people who insist on having giant attention whorish "going away parties" when they are merely leaving for 3 months or a similar stint of a negligible duration. Unless you are leaving mankind for a 10 year sojourn through the depths of the Amazon, I am not going to your stupid PITY PARTY.

Dear Life,

So we meet again, after many months of absence. I had missed you whilst necessarily cut off from society in my hovel of an apartment and often dreamed of the day when we would be reunited. Apparently that time is now and apparently, I AM NOT READY.

I still go through all my days thinking I should be studying, should be watching lectures, should be preparing for something. But persnaps it is merely my subconscious telling me that I am not ready for REAL LIFE to begin. Because it is beginning and soon. In two months I will (finally) have a real job in a different city in a different country in a different continent in a motherfucking totally different cellular network. Yup SHIT GETTING REAL all up in huuuurrrr.

Anyway. I must ~reorganize~ thoughts, life, etc. etc. and will begin by actually writing down these thoughts like its SRS BSNS. In a way, I am finally getting what I want after 7 years of turmoil and awkwardness. Though I am still a clueless 16-year-old on the inside, the world seems to want me to finally get over myself and get my ish together. So here's to us, LIFE.

xoxo,

Me