The Cop Out: Of all the majors in the world, you had to choose this one, did you?

Most Asian-Americans who major in Asian-American studies are unproductive and self-involved.

Now before you come at me with your plebian (oh yes, I went there) retorts and vulgarity-laced diatribes about how I am sort some of self-hating wannabe twinkie, let me assure you that my disdain is an inclusive, equal-opportunity emotion.

I’ve always approached academia with a scientific perspective favoring objectivism. We learn our material, we investigate unknowns, we analyze our findings, and we argue our hypotheses in a giant orgy of intellectual professionalism. And this is all very hugs and puppies when we’re broaching abstract topics like Renaissance literature or physics, but when touchy-feely “relatable” topics come up like cultural anthropology or race studies, the shit hits the fan.

Politely speaking, I’d call it an “unfair advantage.” But let’s face it, no matter how professional you are in your exposition; you’re never going to win a debate against someone who can reference genetic evidence as street cred and deal a deadly K.O. with the lethal finishing touch of, “You can never know what it’s like to be (insert race here)…”

Aaaand this is why I feel that most AA classes are general bitching sessions for embittered Asians who are too passive-aggressive for radical action and too entrenched in denial for support groups. Come on! This is higher education, not The Plastics. Remember the reason we’re discouraged from butchering our essays with an overdose of “I’s”? Overindulging in personal sentiments often trivializes the merit of an argument.

But doesn’t this tactic, disparaged in other disciplines, often take center stage in AA class when almost every group discussion degenerates into someone declaring, with the self-righteousness only found in smug martyrdom, “Well when I was an immigrant child living in the intolerant neighborhood of (insert city here)…”?

Isn’t it utterly remarkable when we can major in an area of study whose main focus is essentially … ourselves? Doesn’t anyone see the hypocrisy here? It’s like me majoring in MYSELF. Of course I’d be the best student since I have an impermeable body of evidence that no other student could hope to access. I’d be the unchallenged champion of all debates since no one else could ever possess the privileged insight I hold of simply being me.

To be fair, I’m not saying that Asians shouldn’t major in AA. Your heritage certainly affords you the capacity for passion in your studies and a vested interest in the AA agenda. However, being Asian doesn’t mean you’re automatically two steps ahead of your non-Asian peers, having fulfilled some physical prerequisite. It doesn’t mean you can bully dissenting opinions under the P.C. code of ethics where it’s impossible to win an argument against a racial minority concerning racial minorities without looking like a racist monster.

Why not give yourself a real challenge and go outside your comfort zone? Learning is (go figure) about discovering different points of view, not lamenting your suburban, middle-class bullshit angst. If I wanted hear the mopey, whiny explanation of someone's fake problems, I'd watch an episode of SatC or Grey's. Stop enacting the academic version of “My Super Sweet Sixteen” where it’s all about youyouyou and start being proactive.