WANTED: on call +1 to activities/functions/travels

One of the greatest challenges in life is finding a someone with whom you can spend long durations of time on a 1-on-1 basis without feeling the need to punch them in the face. It just so happens that many of the fun things I want to do would often be easier/ go smoother/ be more enjoyable if there was another person in the mix. I guess SOME people would call this "finding a spouse" (but these people are likely mopey, lovesick virgins). What I really need is the ultimate "+1."

Requirements:

- you are above average in terms of athleticism

- you are not afraid of nature

- you are willing to try new things

- we can make each other laugh

- you are willing to partake in my absurd demands for photograph + willing to pose in oft-embarrassing ways for amusement's sake

- you do not make comments about my eating habits

- you are financially prudent rather than one who makes I-have-no-money a constant topic of conversation in a way that insinuates you want me to pay for things

- you are not averse to alcoholic beverages

- you dress appropriately for the occasion

- you are NOT afflicted with indecision

- you do not suddenly disappear off the face of the earth when you are dating someone NOR do you suddenly prioritize this new significant other to the detriment of your actual friends

- you do not FLAKE ON ME with little or no notice

If girl:

- you do not "dress up" to clearly grueling/grimy activities

- you are not a mindless robot who thinks any handbag with ... LV classic print, Coach "C" print, Gucci "G" print is the height of ~fashion~

- you better be able to do it to it/suck it up/etc. when SHIT GETS REAL

If guy:

- you own shoes besides sneakers + Converse

- you do not engage in the constant game of let's-compare-resumes

- just because I'm a girl does not mean I want to hear about your ~feelings~ or ~hopes & dreams~

- we are splitting the bill, don't argue